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Are you having a “yeah but” moment – how to change when you have all the excuses.

Yeah but no, but yeah but no

Oh those famous words uttered by the character Vikki Pollard in Little Britain. And how often have you also had a Vikki Pollard moment. Where you have every excuse under the sun why your life is the way it is, why you cant make changes, why this wouldn’t work, how its someone elses fault, how your partner wont let you etc.

I am a queen of this and I want to recover from the habit. I want to stop making excuses for why things are the way they are and why I’m taking no action to change things or I say well I did try a little bit but because it didn’t really work and nothing happened I went back to how things were and made the best of what is.

I want to have the best and be the best and to do that I need to stop the “yeah but”. If I am really to live my life in this world to the max. If I am going to step up and step out then I will feel fear, I will feel resistance, I will want to crawl back into a hole and say wow, its so much more comfortable here, may not love it, may not feel joyful, but I know where I am.

When we are in “yeah but” mode we are often playing the victim and maybe even having a big long pity party. We can complain, we can blame others, we can wish things were better, we can sigh and just put up with our lot, we can feel angry and resentful. Yet we don’t take the action that will move us from this spot. This requires us taking responsibility for what is now and also facing fears of the potential action and maybe consequences of action that we take and we don’t always want to. What I have noticed is how much energy I expend when I say “yeah but” and then the poor people who have to have me vomit my crap all over them constantly and then offer me well meaning advice that I have said “yeah but”. Inside I feel exhausted and I have a sense of feeling powerless because there are that many “yeah buts” what would be the point of trying.

I’m making this commitment to do all I can to reclaim my power and stand in it and shine. To notice when I am giving my power away. To notice when I am serving others needs more than I am honouring my own . I am asking that I notice when I hear that phrase “yeah but” and know the people who love me will call me on my “yeah but” moments to help me out.

Here are my tips so far from quitting the “yeah but” pattern

  1. Be kind to yourself, there is a history, there is a reason you do it. This is not a beat me up exercise. Its an opportunity to change through awareness and growth and yes it can take some time before you catch yourself saying “yeah but” and you say what is now possible, what if?
  2. Take responsibility, there is only you that can change the story.
  3. If you hear yourself “yeah but” , stop for a moment and listen. Is someone sharing some wisdom, could it be that you are ignoring, are you refusing help when you asked for it.
  4. What is your “yeah but” trying to tell you. i.e. I’m too busy, I’ve no money, I’ve no time. Ask yourself what is it you are trying to make time for, what is it you need money for? Is this something worth working out a solution for. Is it worth making the time for? Is it worth investing the money in? Is this an excuse to stay as you are rather than take the action that will change.
  5. If you want to make changes but it seems too much or unachievable, remember its small steps can lead to giant leaps. Break things down into manageable steps, so then you only have to take one step, not the giant leap.
  6. Create a safe place. You don’t have to tip your life on its head overnight. You do require a sense of safety. It may be you need to plan and it will take time. If you want to leave work and set up a business, could you save first, go part-time at work to create a safety net and a buffer.
  7. Make whatever it is you want to do about something bigger than just you. If you want to lose weight for example and theres always a reason why you don’t eat healthy and exercise, why not do it for a charity that means something to you. Sometimes the motivating factor is that others will benefit and it is more than just us.
  8. Remember you are worth being the best you there is and what does “yeah but” take away from you. Look for how you could be enhanced more if you just said yes J

Post a comment below, whats your “yeah but”

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